Estrangement

Posted: March 24, 2014 in LGBT, Transgender

estrangement

es·trange·ment

noun

 1. the fact of no longer being on friendly terms or part of a social group.

I’d like to approach this tender subject in it’s duality.  There is a natural estrangement that can happen between friends, lovers, or spouses who were close, but their growth either took them in different directions, or one chose to grow, while the other chose to stay behind in their relationship.  Relationships grow if fed and watered, but sometimes incompatibility causes a fungus that gnaws on love’s lifeline, causing serious and irreparable damage to the relationship.  It’s better for the relationship to end while there is still respect and genuine concern for them, rather than fall into a ‘burned bridge’ experience, creating bitter memories to be drudged up with a simple song or future visual remembrance of them.

estrangement

Estrangement can be healthy for you, enabling you to move on with new friends, companions and lovers…but there is also a darker side to estrangement.

 I have had prior estrangement experiences that were both healthy and benign, but the estrangement that cuts to your very being, causing screaming echoes within the soul of your heart, is when your flesh…your very children, choose to walk away from your life.

I know I have taken the path of health and happiness when I transitioned from male to female (MTF) in order to live what remains of my life, as the gender I was born to be.  Coming out to loved ones can be extremely difficult for all parties involved, causing much discourse, questions to ask, answers to give.  Many of your loved ones may not choose to take your journey with you, even though it’s crucial to your mental health and happiness.  Many will see your decision as a selfish one, never really beginning to understand the difficulty you have faced for the many years while raising them in love, trying to be the best mom or dad you could muster.  They sometimes draw lines in the sand, giving you the choice between them and your transition, springing guilt and self-hatred for just wanting release from years of complying to a mold society had chosen for you.  This type of separation causes horrible, heart-wrenching estrangement for all parties, whether ignorant or not.

 Although I have experienced the depths of pain from negative estrangement, I find that our minds and hearts are resilient, and can overcome the darkness of longing for restitution with loved ones.  Time is our friend, whether or not the optimal outcome is achieved.  They may never come to mend the tear that ripped your heart open, but other loves and relationships will help to bridge that fisher and allow you to thrive in your new life.

 

Choose to be happy and healthy! (I’m glad I did!)

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