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Reflection

Posted: December 4, 2015 in Uncategorized

Feeling thankful –

From the ages of 12-35, my church family, my music, my belief was EVERYTHING. It encompassed friends, a support system, I was a desired musician and music director, and on and on.

But of all that sticks out the most in my life, was my very first pastor, Rev. William V. Thompson of the UPC church of Bristol, CT. He was like a father to me, taking me under his wings of leadership and really, just BELIEVING IN ME. I had been told by others in the very same church, that I would never be anything, I would amount to nothing. Hurtful, yes…but it only made me stronger. I went to Bible College on my own, paying/working my way through school, and becoming the first Pentecostal ‘salaried’ Music Director in Maryland. My wife, family and I traveled, teaching choir clinics, leading youth and family camp choirs, and also went with our host minister on invites, to assist with the music.

It was an interesting and fulfilling life at the time, all the while, I was dealing with my sexual orientation, and my gender dysphoria…a nameless feeling/experience I can remember from around 9-10 years of age.

I am a survivor. My psyche has been blessed with a layer of ‘feathers’, where the waters of hatred, hurtful words and deeds of others…seem to only last for a short time, rolling off me like water off a ducks back. I am able to get up and resume my growth, my evolution.

I am VERY human. I hurt, feel pain, weep, and wonder how humanity can be SO ‘evil’ at times, with absolutely no regard for others. But I also know the joy, the love, the friendship, the recovery, the peace, the tranquil moments I appreciate so much…that assures me of the reality, the beauty, the wonder that this life avails.

So ‘thank you’ to those who supported, loved, and believed in me. And thank you to those who meant me harm, for it only made me a stronger person today.

It Is Thankful People Who Are Happy - Thumbnail

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We All Matter

Posted: June 10, 2015 in Uncategorized

There are millions who think that transgender people are mentally ill. Marginalized people who are hookers, addicts, harmful, and irresponsible people, to be removed from the general population.

To those who ‘go there’ in their mind when hear transgender or transsexual, please realize these truths:

1. We are human, with feelings, dreams, and desires of love and a life of prosperity.
2. Many of us have spouses, and jobs.
3. We are tax-paying citizens.
4. We are educated.
5. We are in every type of employment and profession.
6. We have families.
7. We can be found in every religion.
8. We are found in every social and economic strata.
9. We are your family, acquaintances, parishioners, fellow soldiers, coworkers, girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse and lover.
10. We are here. We have ALWAYS been here.

What many see and what movies and law enforcement portray, are girls that have been thrown out of their homes, fired from their jobs, estranged from the very family and friends who loved them dearly BEFORE hearing the truth of their battle and experience. Forced to live in shelters and prostituting their bodies JUST TO SURVIVE.

So, before you think ill of someone, or feel justified in laughing or heckling at a fellow human that is struggling with this reality…STOP, THINK, and make a difference for the good of ALL.

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Reach for Reality

diversity 

I am one of 8 siblings from the loins of two beautiful people.  My parents were as loving and supportive as they knew how to be.  Times were different in the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s America…much more than today.  My elementary school, rural area (24-30 thousand pop.), was made up of a dying ‘Leave it to Beaver’ mentality that was quickly and forcibly experiencing social change.  We moved to a larger city, in which I attended Jr. High, and High School.  This was an upsetting awakening to the status quo.  The influx of lives of so many different, wonderful souls…made up of different ethnicities, colors, and culture.  The green grass of our known culture was being flooded with beautiful color…forever to change the landscape of our single cultural and social existence. 

The Family Scruples

My oldest sister had started dating a handsome man, a talented man, involved in the sports…

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Ally’s Wager

Posted: May 12, 2014 in Uncategorized

I had gone to bed last night, and this thought, or my understanding of this thought, kept me awake until I could express it:

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Equation breakdown:

RE (Reality) – Reality in the instance is referenced as a ‘constant’ across human experience.   Life, death, Earth, gravity, evolution, various life forms, elements, effects of nature, our solar system, galaxies and universe are al constants in the fact that they exist via our senses, science and experimentation.

FA (Fantasy) – The opposite of reality. Imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream or hallucination.

IM (Imagination) – Creative expression of thought, the faculty of imagining or forming mental images or concepts of what is not actually present to the senses.

EM (Emotions) – An effective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like is experienced as distinguished from the cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.

IN (Intellect) – Capacity for thinking and acquiring knowledge, especially of a high or complex order; mental capacity.  Minds collectively, as a number of persons or the persons themselves.

YR (Your Reality) – A compilation of the above ‘elements’.

1 (One) – “One, is the loneliest number you will ever do.”  Lol!  No, One in this aspect is represented by the Individual, which is a distinct indivisible entity; a single organism capable of independent existence.

 

This equation was derived from my life experience and insight thereof.  I’ve often wondered (and still do), what makes someone think the way they do?  Is it upbringing, life experience, our reaction to situations and societies expectations or demands?  What makes a person find comfort in things that are not in RE (reality), but find solace in thing that are derived from FA (fantasy) or IM (imagination)?  Let’s discuss these terms.

Reality – Reality in it raw form is beautiful and wondrous all by itself.  Just look around…nature in all it’s splendor, from it’s babbling brooks, to it’s rich plains, to it’s mountain peaks to it’s mighty oceans, our planet and all it’s acquired life, is AMAZING!  Early humanity was not only fragile, but finite, inquisitive, and superstitious from it’s conception.  To fill the gaps of the unknown, mankind in it’s superstition, conceded and conceived the idea of a higher power that was in control…something that leads us to the next ‘element’ in the equation.

Fantasy – Early man it it’s ignorance, didn’t understand the natural movements of our planet, it’s volcanoes, tsunamis, earthquakes, droughts, flooding, and called on a fantasy…something or someone derived from ignorance, to span the gap of knowledge.  Man is extremely talented and imaginative, leading to our next element.

Imagination – Imagination is the offspring of Fantasy.  It’s a beautiful, artistic, musical way that the mind contrives both the beautiful and the most hideous creatures and imagined experiences…from gods and angels, to demons and hell; from fairies to unicorns, to gremlins and vampires.  Imagination is the beautiful creative expression of our mammalian experience.  Without our imaginations, dreams do not exist, all art forms stifled, hope seems empty, and aspirations quelled.   Imagination makes the seeming inanimate ‘come to life’.  It allows us to feel the sunshine on a rainy day, or the affections of the heart appear eminent.  To our knowledge, it is unique to humanity alone…which brings us to our next element.

Emotions – I cannot even imagine humanity without emotions.  Emotions are prompted by experiences. Reading, observing, assimilating, or just be subjected to them.  Sometimes we wish we couldn’t feel, when experiencing displeasing, destructive, or saddening situations; but during the good times we reap the reward of the positive emotions of love, elation, joy, laughter, contentment or achievement.  Although we cannot avoid emotions, we govern how we express them.  Our emotions dance with many partners, both in reality and fantasy, but to keep our feet on the ground intellectually, leads us to our next element.

Intellect – Our intellect should attempt to balance our thoughts and reactions which lends to the way we learn.  We all strive to make sense of situations and experiences in our lives.  Could I have avoided such-and-such, or ‘that worked’, and repeat the successful thought processes to bring a conscious reality to our lives.  Education and tutoring through friendships, institutions, media and social venues, help to hew out that footing we all desire within our inquisitive minds.  This is an area that is crucial when compiling the other parts to this equation.  Many do not entertain enough, this essential part of the equation, making the YR (your reality) a ‘less than’, more than an ‘equal to’.  The intellect part of the equation is a variable of many platforms.  To only utilize a friend’s word, or the words of one book or work, is to water down the experience of ‘your reality’.

I feel we must guard our minds.  Our thoughts are what really give life and meaning to our existence.  Do not find yourself cutting out parts of the equation, or you find yourself with a facade of human experience, having traded the real for fantasy…when our lives are a celebration of BOTH. 

Enjoy a more complete, enriched life experience!   It’s in your power.

nothing worth having

Christ-like, Shiva-like, Allah-like, Ra-like, Herculean, or whoever you’d like to emulate…how about just being a good, respectful, loving human being? Why is it that we humans love to append god-like individuals to give credit for what we humans achieve and experience EVERY DAY?? It’s belittling to man’s achievements within social evolution. Man’s creation of these deities before knowing why the sun comes up, earthquakes, volcanoes, famine, pestilence and plague, soon became harmful control mechanisms used with fear by the few controlling theists, retarding our evolution. Stories of fiction are fun and we have built moral stories within them, just like the fairy-tales you tell your children, yet we still cling to tradition and fables when it comes to religion and it’s imaginations…things that 10 yr. old’s normally reject.

I realize it can be a good social venue, a family per se, but it’s built on social fables and should only be used as a lesson base, not a controlling mechanism where adults speak to the fables as they were real. Now there is a base that yearns for a theocracy right here in the good ol’ U.S. of A., interfering with legislation…a place where they do not belong.

‘Oh, don’t go there Ally’ you may say, but living life as a responsible, loving and respectful human being is already in your power to do, I’d suggest you’d be that for YOURSELF and others…not because of some pie-in-the-sky fairy-tale, preschool, borderline schizophrenic behavior.

Much love to you in your short experience called ‘life’. Be all that YOU can be! – Ally Raymond

 

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